The Boxers Strategy

On 128GB RAM computer, Sam runs a daily workflow. Sam passes a file from point A to point B. This file contains 400M rows and 40 columns. The file is 40GB in size. The daily workflow takes as long as any phone takes to send a photo to a friend. 5 of the 40 columns are:

latitude
longitude
last time atm is visited
$ pulled from that atm
last time exposed to a street preacher discussing “repentance“
…

Point A is a person in the Sigma Nu fraternity, and Point B is the PR person who makes sure Point A is adhering to the bylaws of behavior set forth by Sigma Nu. The bylaws are titled: The Boxers Strategy. The bylaws are titled as such because an elder of the community was asked, one day, how to have a son. The elder said: “Wear boxers, and throw caution to the wind“.

The bylaws are designed from the Sigma Nu umbrella property insurance policy. The insurance policy has indemnifications: what scenarios are covered when damages occur on the frat house premises. The indemnifications were decided upon by the house elders in something called: The Re-Porter Potty Cycle - from hashtag to awareness to coverage.

One day, a new hashtag arose called: #idiosyncratic

One of the house members was listening to an influencer and got inspired to play spin the bottle in the campus quad with a bunch of sorority girls from the law school (the sorority house was comprised of all strippers - who were paying off law school by disrupting priorities with their beauty).

A picture was taken of the house member playing spin the bottle with #idiosyncratic.

Point B was a wise man named: Andy Griffith. He thought long and hard… and approached his underwriter from the insurance company to ask if he could add an idiosyncrasy indemnification to the house umbrella policy.

The underwriter approached the Bermuda House actuaries… who thought long and hard… and decided to grant the Sigma Nu house the idiosyncrasy indemnification!

Andy brought the good news to the house members with an addition to the Boxers Strategy:

“from now on, we will need a house Data Doctor. Sam will report to the Data Doctor the Greens, Yellows, and Reds on the 400M rows and 40 columns - so that we can be covered for idiosyncratic behavior. Although we are covered, we cannot throw caution to the wind, as we will need to show we are taking preventative measures to not get caught playing spin the bottle with the law school sorority girls.“